Butch Whispers: Rhye Reid
I’m Rhye. I am a trans-masc non-binary butch, my Mum is Indonesian and my Dad is Australian. I grew up in Australia but spent the last 5/6 years in Ireland, where my partner is from. It is funny in itself reading those lines back to myself, as they are all identities I spent a portion of my life not wanting to be. All of these identities existed in the ‘in between’; mixed race, non-binary, and living between two countries that are on opposite sides of the world.
Amongst I thought of my body as the DMZ; an area of conflict, something I wanted to escape, something to fear. I guess in all of it, I came full circle. The identities that I spent the most time running away from are now the lining of the cloak of self-love that I wrap myself in and through all those ‘in between’ zones, I learned to find a home in my body; my safe haven. Cheers to therapy right?
What is your favorite or funniest memory from your dating life?
I don’t know if this is what the question is, but once when my partner of nine years and I were visiting an art gallery in Edinburgh. It was unsurprising raining and in winter, so our gloves were wet. We got into the gallery and were arranging our things when she picks up the wet glove and slaps me in the face with it. We then proceeded to chase each other through the museum, hysterically laughing and slapping each other in the face with these wet gloves. We were laughing after imagining that we knocked a statue over or something, and when the museum director asked us how it happened, we had to explain that we were chasing each other to slap each other in the face with a wet glove.
How does being butch positively impact your life?
Being butch was something that I rejected for a long time. When you grow up with so many societal norms that vilify any hint of masculinity in anyone that isn’t a cis guy, it’s not something you initially aspire to be. But then I learned to start shedding these predetermined pathways that we are conditioned to move along, and undoing what was expected of me. In it, I learned to embrace being butch/ masc and be the goddamn twink-butch I was destined to be.
Through it I leaned into being a protector, to be chivalrous, to be soft, to be vulnerable to love harder, to love myself.
What’s the hardest thing about being butch for you?
The hardest thing is the lack of representation, and feeling like we are seen and held in the queer community. Ultimately you just want to, and for lack of better words, to feel hot (said in a Paris Hilton accent). But in truth, it is really hard to aspire to something when only a two-dimensional male-centric image is represented. Cheers to more bottom-butch hot joy. To representation of butches being complex (like everyone is) but without trauma.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
The hardest thing is the misconception of masculinity or butchness; that it is synonymous with being aggressive, hard, or toxic. Like it runs in parallel to toxic masculinity. In truth, being butch has bought more tenderness out in me. While butch is not a homogenous group of people, I wish there was a better understanding of the softness that exists. That it embodies so much more than iron-clad flannel-wearing motorbike riding lesbianing. But don’t get me wrong, I too aspire to that, but I am also here for the vulnerability, tenderness, and love that exists adjacent to it.
Who or what have you learned the most from in life?
There is a load of people that I am learning from and continue to learn from. But to be the biggest cliche, my therapist is high up in the ranks. To have a safe space each week, for all your information to be confined to the four walls, to have someone unbiased on purely on your side, who holds a mirror up to yourself, but also helps you dissect your traumas, is such a privilege. I truly won’t be the person I am if I hadn’t committed to doing the work on myself and having someone by my side through it all.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
The hardest thing is the misconception of masculinity or butchness; that it is synonymous with being aggressive, hard, or toxic. Like it runs in parallel to toxic masculinity. In truth, being butch has bought more tenderness out in me. While butch is not a homogenous group of people, I wish there was a better understanding of the softness that exists. That it embodies so much more than iron-clad flannel-wearing motorbike riding lesbianing. But don’t get me wrong, I too aspire to that, but I am also here for the vulnerability, tenderness, and love that exists adjacent to it.
What is your favorite or funniest memory from your dating life?
I don’t know if this is what the question is, but once when my partner of nine years and I were visiting an art gallery in Edinburgh. It was unsurprising raining and in winter, so our gloves were wet. We got into the gallery and were arranging our things when she picks up the wet glove and slaps me in the face with it. We then proceeded to chase each other through the museum, hysterically laughing and slapping each other in the face with these wet gloves. We were laughing after imagining that we knocked a statue over or something, and when the museum director asked us how it happened, we had to explain that we were chasing each other to slap each other in the face with a wet glove.
How does being butch positively impact your life?
Being butch was something that I rejected for a long time. When you grow up with so many societal norms that vilify any hint of masculinity in anyone that isn’t a cis guy, it’s not something you initially aspire to be. But then I learned to start shedding these predetermined pathways that we are conditioned to move along, and undoing what was expected of me. In it, I learned to embrace being butch/ masc and be the goddamn twink-butch I was destined to be.
Through it I leaned into being a protector, to be chivalrous, to be soft, to be vulnerable to love harder, to love myself.
What’s the hardest thing about being butch for you?
The hardest thing is the lack of representation, and feeling like we are seen and held in the queer community. Ultimately you just want to, and for lack of better words, to feel hot (said in a Paris Hilton accent). But in truth, it is really hard to aspire to something when only a two-dimensional male-centric image is represented. Cheers to more bottom-butch hot joy. To representation of butches being complex (like everyone is) but without trauma.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
The hardest thing is the misconception of masculinity or butchness; that it is synonymous with being aggressive, hard, or toxic. Like it runs in parallel to toxic masculinity. In truth, being butch has bought more tenderness out in me. While butch is not a homogenous group of people, I wish there was a better understanding of the softness that exists. That it embodies so much more than iron-clad flannel-wearing motorbike riding lesbianing. But don’t get me wrong, I too aspire to that, but I am also here for the vulnerability, tenderness, and love that exists adjacent to it.
Who or what have you learned the most from in life?
There is a load of people that I am learning from and continue to learn from. But to be the biggest cliche, my therapist is high up in the ranks. To have a safe space each week, for all your information to be confined to the four walls, to have someone unbiased on purely on your side, who holds a mirror up to yourself, but also helps you dissect your traumas, is such a privilege. I truly won’t be the person I am if I hadn’t committed to doing the work on myself and having someone by my side through it all.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
The hardest thing is the misconception of masculinity or butchness; that it is synonymous with being aggressive, hard, or toxic. Like it runs in parallel to toxic masculinity. In truth, being butch has bought more tenderness out in me. While butch is not a homogenous group of people, I wish there was a better understanding of the softness that exists. That it embodies so much more than iron-clad flannel-wearing motorbike riding lesbianing. But don’t get me wrong, I too aspire to that, but I am also here for the vulnerability, tenderness, and love that exists adjacent to it.
The hardest thing about being butch is the lack of representation, and feeling like we aren't seen and held in the queer community. Ultimately you just want to, and for lack of better words, to feel hot (said in a Paris Hilton accent). But in truth, it is really hard to aspire to something when only a two-dimensional male-centric image is represented. Cheers to more bottom-butch hot joy. To representation of butches being complex.
