Meet A Butch: Breanna Chico
I’m a third-generation Mexican-American Butch Lesbian, eldest daughter, confronting all the machismo that permeates mi cultura and living proof that healthy masculinity exists. I’m originally from Whittier (where the girls are prettier) currently living in Palmdale, CA. When I was in middle school, lack of rent control and budding gentrification pushed my family out of our Chicanx Barrio and into the high desert of LA County, where rent was cheaper, and the streets were supposed to be quieter. As much as the clear blue skies and peaceful hiking trails of Palmdale have a place in my heart, I plan on moving back to my hometown eventually to rejoin all the beautiful gente still there holding it down for the Brown.
I work as a political/community organizer; it’s something I came into by necessity. I was working as a forklift driver in a warehouse (a right of passage for many a butch) and began attending my Union meetings in the hopes of securing a living wage and safer working conditions. Nearly seven years later, I’ve staffed campaigns on the state and national level, lobbied on Capitol Hill, and worked to defund the LA County Sheriff’s Department, all while still showing up as a rank-and-file member for various anti-capitalist organizations that prize direct action over the indirect actions of voting and lobbying. It can be tough to balance electoral organizing in my professional life with being so critical of it in my private life, especially when my “comrades” are critical of how I sell my labor. I strongly believe in utilizing a diversity of tactics and find it’s easier to show up as a Brown Butch Dyke in a workspace with a bunch of bleeding heart liberals, no matter how flawed they can be, compared to the toxic masculine environment of the warehouse.
What’s something you know now that you wish you’d known when you were 12?
I think of this often; if 12-year-old me saw present-day me in the grocery store or something, she would be in awe. I would be her hero. I was Butch since birth and every adult told me it was a phase that I would have to leave behind when I grew up. When I started high school I tried to do just that, I was a poor excuse for a femme and for the first time felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I spent many years disconnected from myself and my passions. When I embraced my butch identity, everything in my life began to fall into place. I also wish I’d known that my friends would be more supportive than I could’ve imagined and that I was gonna have some smokin’ hot girlfriends. Like seriously, if I had known that one day I’d be in a Venice Beach house with my partner, the hot stripper, I would’ve come out as soon as I knew. We are, after all, an army of lovers.
If 12-year-old me saw present-day me in the grocery store or something, she would be in awe. I would be her hero.
How does being butch positively impact your life?
Being a woman who identifies as masculine of center has given me such a comprehensive perspective when it comes to what this society asks of people based on how they show up. Butch is often overlooked when the gender spectrum is discussed. When I encounter people who have genuine questions on what it means to be Butch, the conversation always goes to a place where it becomes difficult to pinpoint where femininity begins and masculinity ends. It’s all the human condition; it’s all natural. Every time I set foot in public or post a picture of myself I know my gender bending appearance and personality is not only challenging people’s perception of masculinity and femininity but their entire perception of reality. I’m blessed to have this experience in this life. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
What is the hardest thing about being butch for you?
It’s still troublesome to have to engage with folks who think that they can strip me of my womanhood just because, in their eyes, I’m not feminine enough to call myself a woman or use she/her pronouns. Unfortunately, I’ve dealt with this kind of mentality a lot from so-called progressives, leftists, family, and even exes. From the time I was a child, I was always asked, “Are you a girl or a boy?” “No, you’re not, prove it!” and still at the age of 31, I deal with this.
It isn’t easy to heal from a wound that is constantly being picked at, and being someone who doesn’t mind having deep discussions on gender and identity, it’s easy for me to fall into the trap and not realize until it’s too late. I’m learning how to identify the people who want to break me down, and that I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, but it’s a process.
What’s something you know now that you wish you’d known when you were 12?
I think of this often; if 12-year-old me saw present-day me in the grocery store or something, she would be in awe. I would be her hero. I was Butch since birth and every adult told me it was a phase that I would have to leave behind when I grew up. When I started high school I tried to do just that, I was a poor excuse for a femme and for the first time felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I spent many years disconnected from myself and my passions. When I embraced my butch identity, everything in my life began to fall into place. I also wish I’d known that my friends would be more supportive than I could’ve imagined and that I was gonna have some smokin’ hot girlfriends. Like seriously, if I had known that one day I’d be in a Venice Beach house with my partner, the hot stripper, I would’ve come out as soon as I knew. We are, after all, an army of lovers.
If 12-year-old me saw present-day me in the grocery store or something, she would be in awe. I would be her hero.
How does being butch positively impact your life?
Being a woman who identifies as masculine of center has given me such a comprehensive perspective when it comes to what this society asks of people based on how they show up. Butch is often overlooked when the gender spectrum is discussed. When I encounter people who have genuine questions on what it means to be Butch, the conversation always goes to a place where it becomes difficult to pinpoint where femininity begins and masculinity ends. It’s all the human condition; it’s all natural. Every time I set foot in public or post a picture of myself I know my gender bending appearance and personality is not only challenging people’s perception of masculinity and femininity but their entire perception of reality. I’m blessed to have this experience in this life. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
What is the hardest thing about being butch for you?
It’s still troublesome to have to engage with folks who think that they can strip me of my womanhood just because, in their eyes, I’m not feminine enough to call myself a woman or use she/her pronouns. Unfortunately, I’ve dealt with this kind of mentality a lot from so-called progressives, leftists, family, and even exes. From the time I was a child, I was always asked, “Are you a girl or a boy?” “No, you’re not, prove it!” and still at the age of 31, I deal with this.
It isn’t easy to heal from a wound that is constantly being picked at, and being someone who doesn’t mind having deep discussions on gender and identity, it’s easy for me to fall into the trap and not realize until it’s too late. I’m learning how to identify the people who want to break me down, and that I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, but it’s a process.
Every time I set foot in public or post a picture of myself I know my gender bending appearance and personality is not only challenging people’s perception of masculinity and femininity but their entire perception of reality. I’m blessed to have this experience in this life. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
My Butch identity is also a celebration of my heritage. I know it can even seem contradictory at times since the Mexican/Chicanx cultura is dominated by flippant misogynists. It’s important for us to have a space in the conversation and be visible. Queer and gender nonconforming Mexicans have always existed, and we contribute to the community as well. I remember being young and seeing my dad and tíos in their Ben Davis shirts and creased down Dickies and wanting so bad to dress like them. It just seemed like the epitome of masculinity to me. Tough but elegant, edgy but disciplined. I think about all the queers of generations passed who couldn’t come out because Mexicans aren’t allowed to be gay, because being a Marimacha meant bringing shame upon your family. I see a huge shift in the Chicanx’s of today, conscientiously moving away from that conquistador mentality of classism, anti-black, anti-woman, anti-indigenous and embracing our roots. I know we’re making this shift because we want our cultura to survive and if we don’t heal ourselves and our families this machismo death cult is going nowhere.
What is one thing that you’re really proud of?
I didn’t realize this was something to be proud of until a few years back when I was talking to a group of queer 18-20 year olds and they asked me, “how did you do it?” the question caught me off guard because to me there was no option, you have to live and try to live your best possible life but I see what they were getting at. How did I get to where I am with no Butch mentor or community? It brought me back to when I read Stone Butch Blues for the first time and being fixated on Butch Al. For weeks I found myself asking where was my Butch Al? Why didn’t I have one? Well I know why, AIDS epidemic and all the anti-gay laws that essentially were attempts at genocide of queers if you ask me. At this age it’s too late for me to have a Butch Al, I’m all grown up now and have figured out the Butch ways, from navigating the barbershop to romance and heartbreak. Until they asked that question I didn’t realize I was relatively safe now and that I had lived so much of my life in survival mode. I’m proud to be a Butch in the workplace, in the political space and in the hetero world taking up space.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
My Butch identity is also a celebration of my heritage. I know it can even seem contradictory at times since the Mexican/Chicanx cultura is dominated by flippant misogynists. It’s important for us to have a space in the conversation and be visible. Queer and gender nonconforming Mexicans have always existed, and we contribute to the community as well. I remember being young and seeing my dad and tíos in their Ben Davis shirts and creased down Dickies and wanting so bad to dress like them. It just seemed like the epitome of masculinity to me. Tough but elegant, edgy but disciplined. I think about all the queers of generations passed who couldn’t come out because Mexicans aren’t allowed to be gay, because being a Marimacha meant bringing shame upon your family. I see a huge shift in the Chicanx’s of today, conscientiously moving away from that conquistador mentality of classism, anti-black, anti-woman, anti-indigenous and embracing our roots. I know we’re making this shift because we want our cultura to survive and if we don’t heal ourselves and our families this machismo death cult is going nowhere.
What is one thing that you’re really proud of?
I didn’t realize this was something to be proud of until a few years back when I was talking to a group of queer 18-20 year olds and they asked me, “how did you do it?” the question caught me off guard because to me there was no option, you have to live and try to live your best possible life but I see what they were getting at. How did I get to where I am with no Butch mentor or community? It brought me back to when I read Stone Butch Blues for the first time and being fixated on Butch Al. For weeks I found myself asking where was my Butch Al? Why didn’t I have one? Well I know why, AIDS epidemic and all the anti-gay laws that essentially were attempts at genocide of queers if you ask me. At this age it’s too late for me to have a Butch Al, I’m all grown up now and have figured out the Butch ways, from navigating the barbershop to romance and heartbreak. Until they asked that question I didn’t realize I was relatively safe now and that I had lived so much of my life in survival mode. I’m proud to be a Butch in the workplace, in the political space and in the hetero world taking up space.
