Meet A Butch: Cari Cambpell
My name is Cari Campbell, but I go by Campbell and many people know me as Dj Campbell. I am a queer masc butch person from San Francisco, California. I spend a lot of my time and energy on my professional work, I am a Chief Technology Officer of a nonprofit media company called YR Media, I enjoy what I do and it ends up consuming a lot of my time. Outside of work work work, I DJ, I love music, photography, art, food, traveling, and warm salt water.
How does being butch positively impact your life and what has been the hardest thing about it?
In US society and culture, I feel invisible, it’s a superpower and a curse. I am a social introvert so being invisible at times is a blessing, I love riding under the radar, behind the scenes, back-of-the-house, but being invisible is also existentially draining.
The hardest thing about being butch was coming to terms with identifying with it. When I was younger in my community there were people that imposed rules about what made you butch. A lot of these rules didn’t apply to me. In the early 90s people were hostile when I was dating another butch person. Butch at that time seemed defined by butch/femme relationships and our b4b relationship was disturbing to a lot of people. There was also heavy-handed criticism of my personal joys, like ordering a fruity cocktail at the bar an older butch would be laughing at me telling me “real butches drink xxx” or something degrading like that.
I found it really difficult for me to identify with the term butch, I had worked so hard on myself in my twenties to not front the hard cold exterior that got me through my teen years. I identify with it comfortably now because I can add myself in representation, I am masculine and very butch with some very queer nuance and these identities are not setting rules for me, I am uniquely part of this spectrum.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
Because I grew up not being able to change who I was for others I have extreme compassion and sensitivity for anyone trying to live their true and authentic self.
What is one thing that you’re really proud of?
I am proud that when I was 22 I chose to work as a cook at Maitri AIDS Hospice during the height of the AIDS crisis. I worked there for seven years it was the most intense life choice, I knew it at the time and I am really proud that I did it.
What is something on your bucket list that makes you blush?
I love this super kinky reveal question! My bucket list is more of a consistent life to-do list that highlights keeping shit sexy and fun forever. I want to be that hella old queer at the club or Folsom Street Fair. I love to be in a ragingly diverse queer community, I want to keep having lots of beautifully different lovers and I want to continue to role model you don’t need to join heteronormative and capitalist conventions to be happy.
How does being butch positively impact your life and what has been the hardest thing about it?
In US society and culture, I feel invisible, it’s a superpower and a curse. I am a social introvert so being invisible at times is a blessing, I love riding under the radar, behind the scenes, back-of-the-house, but being invisible is also existentially draining.
The hardest thing about being butch was coming to terms with identifying with it. When I was younger in my community there were people that imposed rules about what made you butch. A lot of these rules didn’t apply to me. In the early 90s people were hostile when I was dating another butch person. Butch at that time seemed defined by butch/femme relationships and our b4b relationship was disturbing to a lot of people. There was also heavy-handed criticism of my personal joys, like ordering a fruity cocktail at the bar an older butch would be laughing at me telling me “real butches drink xxx” or something degrading like that.
I found it really difficult for me to identify with the term butch, I had worked so hard on myself in my twenties to not front the hard cold exterior that got me through my teen years. I identify with it comfortably now because I can add myself in representation, I am masculine and very butch with some very queer nuance and these identities are not setting rules for me, I am uniquely part of this spectrum.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
Because I grew up not being able to change who I was for others I have extreme compassion and sensitivity for anyone trying to live their true and authentic self.
What is one thing that you’re really proud of?
I am proud that when I was 22 I chose to work as a cook at Maitri AIDS Hospice during the height of the AIDS crisis. I worked there for seven years it was the most intense life choice, I knew it at the time and I am really proud that I did it.
What is something on your bucket list that makes you blush?
I love this super kinky reveal question! My bucket list is more of a consistent life to-do list that highlights keeping shit sexy and fun forever. I want to be that hella old queer at the club or Folsom Street Fair. I love to be in a ragingly diverse queer community, I want to keep having lots of beautifully different lovers and I want to continue to role model you don’t need to join heteronormative and capitalist conventions to be happy.
In US society and culture, I feel invisible, it's a superpower and a curse. I am a social introvert so being invisible at times is a blessing, I love riding under the radar, behind the scenes, back-of-the-house, but being invisible is also existentially draining.
Who or what have you learned the most from in life?
I want to acknowledge two people; an ex-lover and a butch lesbian who both changed my life forever. When I was in my late 20s I was becoming a DJ in the dyke scene in San Francisco. At that time the person I was dating, Michelle, encouraged me to DJ the events she hosted. She could see I loved being at the party but just struggled with getting socially overwhelmed by crowds. I didn’t drink or do drugs and for my anxious self, I needed something to do! Djing was such a perfect match, I loved music and I was in school making sound art, I had a massive record collection, and most of all I love making people happy. I could be at the party, feeling connected, getting set up in the corner with a little personal space, and most of all having so much fun orchestrating the energy of the night. I learned so much from Michelle because we were so dramatically different but equally passionate.
I was djing and getting a little recognition in my community, people were hiring me for parties and clubs. I would DJ a popular lesbian soccer festival called Festival of the Babes every year and someone from a lesbian travel company reached out to me and asked if I would DJ an all lesbian cruise.
I had unbelievably unbearable anxiety about traveling when I was in my 20s. My father, a Coast Guardsman was ruled by fear and it wasn’t until later in life I could see how much that shaped my thinking and own anxieties. Any other DJ would have probably jumped at the opportunity to DJ a cruise and instead, I read the entire cruise contract and freaked out. I said no- to dj-ing a lesbian cruise! I don’t know if it was the contract rules or the idea of being trapped on a ship, or all the Coast Guard horror stories I absorbed but each year passed someone would check back and say “are you sure you don’t want to DJ for this lesbian cruise?… we have a Caribbean cruise and we’d love for you to DJ” and every year I would say no.
Six years pass by and it’s the mid-2000s, I am DJing every other night at the Lexington or Hot Pants and I run into Kendall the person booking the DJs for the lesbian travel company. Kendall is the sweetest butch lesbian and she literally takes me under her arm and is like we’re going to get you on one of these trips. It is so funny that I always wanted a mentor in life, I was always envious of people who had these profound mentorships, and now that I am much older I realize I wasn’t even aware of who was mentoring me. Kendall persistently worked on me and never let up, and let me tell you her persistence wasn’t for anything I’m not mentioning, I’m not a queer celebrity DJ, I’m not a name drop, I’m really just someone who loves a fun party and uses what I have to create something special. I enjoy DJing for my community and friends which reflects the roots of my DJing. So Kendall calls me, she has a trip she wants me to DJ, it’s a resort, not a boat, and if I don’t like it she’ll fly me home immediately.
I said yes. I did it, and of course, it was incredible. From that trip, I went on to DJ all over the world, on cruise ships, resorts, and yachts, and I travel now all the time.
Between Michelle encouraging me to follow my passion to DJ and Kendall opening the door to traveling adventures, these two lifted me out of my anxiety, held my hand, and taught me to face my fears. When I feel anxious now I always ask myself what is this fear holding me back from?
Who or what have you learned the most from in life?
I want to acknowledge two people; an ex-lover and a butch lesbian who both changed my life forever. When I was in my late 20s I was becoming a DJ in the dyke scene in San Francisco. At that time the person I was dating, Michelle, encouraged me to DJ the events she hosted. She could see I loved being at the party but just struggled with getting socially overwhelmed by crowds. I didn’t drink or do drugs and for my anxious self, I needed something to do! Djing was such a perfect match, I loved music and I was in school making sound art, I had a massive record collection, and most of all I love making people happy. I could be at the party, feeling connected, getting set up in the corner with a little personal space, and most of all having so much fun orchestrating the energy of the night. I learned so much from Michelle because we were so dramatically different but equally passionate.
I was djing and getting a little recognition in my community, people were hiring me for parties and clubs. I would DJ a popular lesbian soccer festival called Festival of the Babes every year and someone from a lesbian travel company reached out to me and asked if I would DJ an all lesbian cruise.
I had unbelievably unbearable anxiety about traveling when I was in my 20s. My father, a Coast Guardsman was ruled by fear and it wasn’t until later in life I could see how much that shaped my thinking and own anxieties. Any other DJ would have probably jumped at the opportunity to DJ a cruise and instead, I read the entire cruise contract and freaked out. I said no- to dj-ing a lesbian cruise! I don’t know if it was the contract rules or the idea of being trapped on a ship, or all the Coast Guard horror stories I absorbed but each year passed someone would check back and say “are you sure you don’t want to DJ for this lesbian cruise?… we have a Caribbean cruise and we’d love for you to DJ” and every year I would say no.Six years pass by and it’s the mid-2000s, I am DJing every other night at the Lexington or Hot Pants and I run into Kendall the person booking the DJs for the lesbian travel company. Kendall is the sweetest butch lesbian and she literally takes me under her arm and is like we’re going to get you on one of these trips. It is so funny that I always wanted a mentor in life, I was always envious of people who had these profound mentorships, and now that I am much older I realize I wasn’t even aware of who was mentoring me. Kendall persistently worked on me and never let up, and let me tell you her persistence wasn’t for anything I’m not mentioning, I’m not a queer celebrity DJ, I’m not a name drop, I’m really just someone who loves a fun party and uses what I have to create something special. I enjoy DJing for my community and friends which reflects the roots of my DJing. So Kendall calls me, she has a trip she wants me to DJ, it’s a resort, not a boat, and if I don’t like it she’ll fly me home immediately.
I said yes. I did it, and of course, it was incredible. From that trip, I went on to DJ all over the world, on cruise ships, resorts, and yachts, and I travel now all the time.
Between Michelle encouraging me to follow my passion to DJ and Kendall opening the door to traveling adventures, these two lifted me out of my anxiety, held my hand, and taught me to face my fears. When I feel anxious now I always ask myself what is this fear holding me back from?
