Meet A Butch: Jo Cosme
My name is Jo Cosme and I’m from Río Piedras, Puerto Rico. I’ve lived all my life in Puerto Rico, but currently I am living in Seattle. After Hurricane María, I lost my job and was displaced. I moved to the Northwest to start over and find a more economically stable circumstance so I could also help my mom back home .
I am a visual artist. Whenever I’m not at my day job, I’m usually working on an art project or launching new stuff for my shop: Tienda Bandida.
How does being butch positively impact your life and what is the hardest thing about being butch for you?
In Puerto Rico, being gay still hasn’t been socially accepted. So, to no surprise, if you’re a butch – you will be subject to all forms of violence, ongoing ridicule and unemployment. Growing up Catholic and in Puerto Rico, I internalized all the misogyny, butchphobia and lesbophobia that surrounded me for many years. I was so ashamed of myself because I was unable to act or look like a “normal” woman. I hated myself for not being born a man. For years I tried to destroy these parts of me, which led to a lot of self-destructive actions and identity issues. Later, when I began to make peace with my butchness, many women I dated or went out with would expect me to act like a man or treated me like one – which wasn’t healthy either. I found myself projecting many toxic masculine traits and I hated my body.
Fast forward, after a lot of growth and work – I’ve begun to heal my butchness. In time, I learned how to be soft, how to practice healthy masculinity, and build relationships with women who could love me for who I was and what I had to offer (not their projections of me). My butchness doesn’t make me any less of a woman nor does it make me any less feminine. Masculinity and femininity co-exist beautifully within me. Only through accepting my butch self could I find this sense of balance. It’s a work in process, but I’m learning to love the many, many grey areas inside butchness and what it means to be a Puerto Rican butch lesbian woman.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
I can’t limit it to just one, but here are a few important things for people to know about MY butchness: One, as this page states – Butch is NOT a dirty word and it is NOT a bad identity. Don’t come at me with that “You can be a lesbian, but just don’t be butch” narrative. Hard pass. Two, there isn’t a correct way to be butch. There’s no such thing for me as, “too butch” or “too soft to be butch”. And because I’m butch it doesn’t inherently mean I’m gonna be in command at all times – I also wanna be asked out, cuddled and cared for. Three, butches have always existed and we have always been disrupting the gender binary and the heteropatriarchy. And lastly, because I’m a butch it doesn’t fundamentally mean I want to be anything other than a masculine woman. I wish people would stop misgendering or questioning me when I have already stated who I identify as and what pronouns I use.
What is something on your bucket list that makes you blush?
Something that makes me blush? All I know is, that Hard Femmes make me blush point-blank.
Who or what have you learned the most from in life?
In high school, I had a very influential teacher who later became the big sister I’d always dreamed of as an only child. She not only provided me with a safe place from the bullies in the classroom, but she also helped me develop my critical thinking skills. She exposed how being LGBTQ was perfectly normal and helped me navigate depression and my neuro-divergent brain. Her guidance could not have come at a more crucial time. This experience taught me how undervalued educators are in our society. Some teachers out there really do save lives.
What’s something in your life that’s gone unfulfilled that you’re still searching for?
A lezbro that lives close to me. My current ones live far away and I miss having that everyday closeness of picking each other up randomly at our houses, going to play pool together, watching movies, keeping each other updated on the current chisme, etc.
What has been the best thing that you’ve been wrong about in your life?
That I’m not strictly a top. Aaaaand with that I learned I don’t have to be one just because I’m butch.
How does being butch positively impact your life and what is the hardest thing about being butch for you?
In Puerto Rico, being gay still hasn’t been socially accepted. So, to no surprise, if you’re a butch – you will be subject to all forms of violence, ongoing ridicule and unemployment. Growing up Catholic and in Puerto Rico, I internalized all the misogyny, butchphobia and lesbophobia that surrounded me for many years. I was so ashamed of myself because I was unable to act or look like a “normal” woman. I hated myself for not being born a man. For years I tried to destroy these parts of me, which led to a lot of self-destructive actions and identity issues. Later, when I began to make peace with my butchness, many women I dated or went out with would expect me to act like a man or treated me like one – which wasn’t healthy either. I found myself projecting many toxic masculine traits and I hated my body.
Fast forward, after a lot of growth and work – I’ve begun to heal my butchness. In time, I learned how to be soft, how to practice healthy masculinity, and build relationships with women who could love me for who I was and what I had to offer (not their projections of me). My butchness doesn’t make me any less of a woman nor does it make me any less feminine. Masculinity and femininity co-exist beautifully within me. Only through accepting my butch self could I find this sense of balance. It’s a work in process, but I’m learning to love the many, many grey areas inside butchness and what it means to be a Puerto Rican butch lesbian woman.
What is the most important thing about your butch identity you wish people knew?
I can’t limit it to just one, but here are a few important things for people to know about MY butchness: One, as this page states – Butch is NOT a dirty word and it is NOT a bad identity. Don’t come at me with that “You can be a lesbian, but just don’t be butch” narrative. Hard pass. Two, there isn’t a correct way to be butch. There’s no such thing for me as, “too butch” or “too soft to be butch”. And because I’m butch it doesn’t inherently mean I’m gonna be in command at all times – I also wanna be asked out, cuddled and cared for. Three, butches have always existed and we have always been disrupting the gender binary and the heteropatriarchy. And lastly, because I’m a butch it doesn’t fundamentally mean I want to be anything other than a masculine woman. I wish people would stop misgendering or questioning me when I have already stated who I identify as and what pronouns I use.
What is something on your bucket list that makes you blush?
Something that makes me blush? All I know is, that Hard Femmes make me blush point-blank.
Who or what have you learned the most from in life?
In high school, I had a very influential teacher who later became the big sister I’d always dreamed of as an only child. She not only provided me with a safe place from the bullies in the classroom, but she also helped me develop my critical thinking skills. She exposed how being LGBTQ was perfectly normal and helped me navigate depression and my neuro-divergent brain. Her guidance could not have come at a more crucial time. This experience taught me how undervalued educators are in our society. Some teachers out there really do save lives.
What’s something in your life that’s gone unfulfilled that you’re still searching for?
A lezbro that lives close to me. My current ones live far away and I miss having that everyday closeness of picking each other up randomly at our houses, going to play pool together, watching movies, keeping each other updated on the current chisme, etc.
What has been the best thing that you’ve been wrong about in your life?
That I’m not strictly a top. Aaaaand with that I learned I don’t have to be one just because I’m butch.
In time, I learned how to be soft, how to practice healthy masculinity, and build relationships with women who could love me for who I was and what I had to offer (not their projections of me). My butchness doesn’t make me any less of a woman nor does it make me any less feminine. Masculinity and femininity co-exist beautifully within me.
