Category: Interviews

I’m originally from California, but I’ve lived in Melbourne for the past 6 years. I’ve spent that time working in the coffee industry. It’s a passion as well as a career, I’m a massive nerd about it! For now, I’m business development manager for a coffee company.

1. What is your favorite or funniest memory from your dating life?

This one is pretty good. I was hooking up with a baby queer, and she was really going to town on me. I was having fun, but the pace was pretty hectic. As she was going, she looked up at me and belted, “what I lack in experience, I make up in enthusiasm!” Right as she said it, her finger slipped out of me and she punched me right in the clit.

Now, we’re married…

Just kidding, I never saw her again.

Suffice to say, I was pretty much ready for bed after that. I hobbled her to the door and that was that.

2. Tell us about a time that being butch positively impacted your life.

When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a boy. At five, I announced to my family I’d like to be called “Carlos” of all names. I still think it’s funny! I chose it off one of the kids I saw on Barney who I thought was so cool. I convinced my mom to take me to the barber and get my hair cut short. The hairdresser gave me a bob. I hated it and demanded my mom take me to get a real boys cut. I settled on a handsome little bowl cut. I loved it. I felt so affirmed. My parents were actually pretty good sports about it. It was the 90’s and I think they were quietly freaking out, but they let me do it. I lived like this for years! It was the most affirmed period of my entire childhood.

The flutter in my heart when people thought I was a boy was incredible, I still remember it. Eventually, I caved to puberty and trying to fit in, and started dressing like a girl. It always felt like cosplay to me.

I had to have my moment where I realised I wasn’t a girl, I was non-binary. Being a little boy as a kid was the only other option, but as an adult, I was really at home in a place outside the lines. I created that space for myself, and I think Carlos would have lost their little minds if they could just see me now. Being butch was the dream, and I’m loving it.

3. What has been the best thing that you’ve been wrong about in your life?

I used to be so afraid of sex. There was real trauma there, but I also didn’t think anybody would ever find my gender identity attractive, because I didn’t. There were layers and layers of internalized shame. I felt I wasn’t living up to the expectations of sex appeal I saw around me. I didn’t have anybody sexy and masc presenting I could look up to that could reset that standard I had learned. I thought I’d never understand what people enjoyed about sex, how people could be so comfortable in their bodies, and that it all wasn’t for me.

I had to do a lot of work to learn to love my body. I had to reach a point where I stopped acting out what other people expected of me, and started doing what made me feel sexy and handsome. I got into men’s fashion, and I’d spend hours putting on music that made me feel hot, and dressing up in my room, and dancing. Putting fits together helped me feel handsome from a deep place, I didn’t need anybody’s opinion to validate it. I knew I looked good and I could carry that around with me everywhere. It changed my life, and it changed how I felt when I didn’t have any clothes on as well.

I’m so glad I feel confident now, that I was wrong about never believing I could feel at home in my body. I love sex, and I love being nude. It all came from using my body as a canvas for fashion.

4. What’s your spiritual understanding of masculinity?

I think the institution of cis-men have painted a picture of masculinity as being hard and tough and rugged. I actually think of it a lot softer than that. In my vision, masculinity is like a huge old tree. It’s grounded and peaceful, and it’s strong, but it’s also flexible. It adapts to weather and seasons, yet it always knows what it is. It’s not afraid, or reactionary. It protects those who wish to take shelter, but it’s not possessive, one is free to come and go as they please. There’s a quiet wisdom in masculinity that doesn’t need to be explained. It should feel safe. I think being butch is so much more of this type of masculinity than I ever really see in the mainstream.

5. Has there been a memory, moment or time in your life where being butch made your experience particularly difficult?

Going back to where I’m from in California is hard. There’s not a lot of queer people, and very few butch folks in my home town at all. Gender neutral toilets? Not a chance. As I’ve embraced my butchness more and more, I find it harder to return to where I’m from. I don’t feel safe, I don’t feel seen. It might not be an outward homophobia, but it still feels hostile. Coming out to my core family as non-binary was fine, they’re all wonderful. My extended family doesn’t all understand. I have little cousins ask if I’m a boy or a girl. I have uncles who refuse to acknowledge my name or pronouns. Does it hurt? I learned to not let people’s opinions of my lifestyle sink under my skin. I definitely get anxiety about using gendered toilets, I’ve had so many experiences with “gender-police” trying to tell me where to go.

“Do I look like an idiot to you? Because you’re treating me like I look like an idiot.”

It’s still tough, working with all sorts of people for my job. I wear a pronoun badge often but I don’t usually get gendered properly. I’m not the type to keep correcting people, I’m too laid back. I just let it go and find my validation from within. I’d love to continue to shimmy further away from the binary, but at the end of the day, I still feel like most people see things a bit too black and white for me.

It’s hard because I love where I’m from in a lot of ways, I just don’t think I want to go back to that being the norm though. I have searched all over the world for my queer community, where I don’t have to think twice about what I present as.

6. Are there parts of your inherit masculinity you’ve ever felt like you had to work to unlearn?
Being stoic and not talking about my feelings when they come up has been a huge hurdle to unlearn, and something I think society teaches boys and men to consider masculine.

I absolutely think I used to look at masculinity as being “fine” with everything and not letting my emotions come to the surface. I didn’t think it was ok to not be ok. It’s such a damaging way to live for myself and the people closest to me, I see so many men suffer through this too.

I’ve had to learn to be brave, to confront feelings and let them breathe and trust that I’m safe to speak about them. It’s practice, it’s really hard work. The toughest thing in the world for me is to be able to articulate complicated emotions without intellectualizing them OR letting them get out of control and spin me out. Learning it’s ok to not be ok has changed everything in the way I see myself and my masculinity.

@sage__x__

I live and work in Naarm/Melbourne (Australia). I moved here about 12 years ago, because I grew up in a predominantly white, cis-het area , and as soon as I could leave, I did. There was no-one like me there. I did not see myself in anyone there. I never experienced the life changing, affirming butch nod that I now occasionally get on the streets of Melbourne or day trips to the country.

I am a social mentor and disability support worker for queers. I am so deeply passionate and connected to the work I do.

What is your favorite or funniest memory from your dating life?

I once ended things with someone because they told me they hated Tegan and Sara, and that they were both faking being gay. Also, In my baby dyke days I was in a throuple, and when it broke up, I started dating the couple’s best friend, which turned into one of my longest, loving and fulfilling relationships, who is now my ex but my best friend in this world. Classic dyke behavior.

Tell us about a time that being butch positively impacted your life.

Being butch positively impacts my life every day. Being butch is my favorite thing about myself, something I’m proud of and brings me joy. This identity spills out into every facet of my life and that’s something I feel is deeply positive. Its a constant in my life that I feel vehemently connected to and proud of, as well as my queerness and transness. Something that I embody, embrace, love, care for, treat well and scream at the top of my lungs on rooftops for. Being butch positively impacts my life in so many ways, mainly because it brings this confidence, I never thought existed in me or was possible for someone like me, it brings me the ability to be soft but tough, the ability to be my complete self- something I have always been afraid of, and to exist outside of what society expects of me.

What is something about your butch identity you feel like no one understands?

Butch is not just an aesthetic, although it is as well. Butch is a whole way of being, a beautifully layered identity that goes far beyond flannel and jeans (although that come’s with it too). It’s the energy and it is who I am and it is something that has always been with me. Something I feel straight people don’t understand is, being a non binary butch absolutely does not equate to me being a man. My meaning and expression of masculinity is far more expansive.

What is something on your bucket list that makes you blush?

It has just been successfully ticked off, but being photographed for Butch Is Not A Dirty Word.

It has just been successfully ticked off, but being photographed for Butch Is Not A Dirty Word.

It has just been successfully ticked off, but being photographed for Butch Is Not A Dirty Word.

What’s something in your life that’s gone unfulfilled that you’re still searching for?

That sweet, sweet gender euphoria. I’m searching for it everyday, but I’m hoping this will be found next year when I have Top Surgery.

What has been the best thing that you’ve been wrong about in your life?

That being vulnerable does not make you weak. That you’re not weak and there is no shame in accepting help and support. I used to believe this. I’ve come along way, and still have a long way to go, but talking about your feelings and emotions is hot!

How do you feel like you embody masculinity differently from what is expected of you?

I love being able to rewrite what masculinity means and to be able to wear it proudly without it having to fit in a small rigid box.  Being able to embody masculinity in a way that is not toxic, unhealthy or tragic, which were the only ways it was represented and shown to me growing up, which was harmful. Masculinity and butchness defies societal norms and expectations.

What’s the most difficult thing about being Butch?

I think the most difficult things about being butch is the misconceptions and assumed roles expected of butches and not being seen as multi dimensional people. That walking down the street being visibly butch can open you up to a lot of misunderstanding of you and your identity, discrimination and some very strange invasive questions

Are there parts of your inherit masculinity you’ve ever felt like you had to work to unlearn?

If I believed what was fed to me about masculinity I wouldn’t be able to truly be me; I couldn’t be tough but soft, stern but gentle, fearful but courageous, independent but affectionate, shielded but vulnerable. It has been a long road and its been hard without good, healthy representation and role models, which should now be better for the baby butches.

@jeds.mccreath

Hello, my name is Rose Blakelock I was born and raised in South West Ohio, and spent 12 years in New York City. Over the pandemic living in New York became pretty unsustainable, it really laid bare the wealth gap and sort of stripped away all the sheen. I was out of work and collecting unemployment and realized this might be my only shot. So I moved to Northern New Mexico with my girlfriend. Living in the Southwest was always in the long term plan but the pandemic definitely accelerated it. Basically, we just weren’t rich enough to be comfortable, and our nervous systems were trashed.

For work I’m a consulting astrologer, audio editor, musician, and carpenter. I’m also the co-host of a podcast called Big Dyke Energy, along with my friend Gala Mukomolova, an astrologer and poet based in New York City. We hang out and talk shit about the stars and gay celebrities & pop culture.

1. You’re given $20,000, how would you spend it? 

It’s probably douchey to say I would invest in cryptocurrency, right? For really real, though, I would probably buy some books, buy some gifts, donate a chunk, and then fix up my truck and buy some new tools and guitar amps? Oh and fancy vintage synthesizers. Can’t forget about those.

2. Where do you hope to be ten years from now?

I would like to be more confident that there will be clean water to drink and air to breathe for the rest of my life. I know, big ask there. But beyond hoping to see some big shifts on the large scale, in my own life I would like to live in a sweet house, with a recording studio (maybe an underground lair?) and preferably at the end of a long dirt road butted up to a stream and some woods (not unlike the house my partner and I are renting currently).

3. What is one thing that you’re really proud of?

I’m proud of betting on myself these last couple years, and stepping up to the challenge. My friend group suffered some pretty heavy losses from 2018 to the beginning of the pandemic. 2 divorces, a death, the breakup of a music project I had been a part of for 12 years. I had to overhaul nearly every aspect of my life; I started my own business, began writing a solo album and recruited a new band, got into therapy and started doing yoga regularly. Things were building and I was starting to feel so much more centered and comfortable with myself. I was playing shows, doing readings, and built a beautiful new kitchen as part of a rent trade.

And then, of course, the pandemic hit. It shook me loose, but also I was so grateful to realize that I could take nearly everything I rebuilt with me, because it wasn’t centered outside of myself. I’m so grateful and proud that my partner and I took the leap and moved to this beautiful, tiny town and are connecting to a community that feels so steady and nourishing. I’m finally starting to feel at home in the world.

4. What’s the queer / dyke scene like where you live and what’s one thing you’d change about it if you could?

Oh man I’d get rid of COVID. It’s a small but really sweet scene. Most of our friends have families, and everyone’s got a fair amount of space to host. To be honest, I was so tired of bathroom lines and too loud bad music. I feel like I sound like the grandpa from the Simpsons or something. But really it’s the revival of the house party, which is my preferred method of hanging out. I do miss karaoke, though I’ve been told I can start a party at the theatre up the road once the virus calms down…

5. What are your 2 favorite and 2 least favorite memories from childhood?

My first favorite memory is of a make believe musical festival my sister and I would produce. I think it was right after Woodstock ‘94 and we were OBSESSED. We called it “Pootstock” and would go through all the Columbia Records CD catalogues and highlight every band we hated. Then we would announce the line up and proceed to go through the acts, doing very terrible and pretty rude impressions of them, one by one. I remember I had this little electric guitar with, like, a plastic Madonna mic/headphone and a little speaker that you could clip onto your waistband and play out of, but this was before I actually knew any chords so it was really just sheer chaos.

My second favorite memory is from the fourth grade. My sister and I were in class together, and the main receptionist from the office came to the door and said, “Uh, Daisy and Rose? Your dad just called and said he’s picking you up to go see something called ‘Poe’.”

Apparently she had had to cancel a tour date in a neighboring town because she was sick, and decided to do a tiny daytime show on her way back through. We got to see her in a coffee shop in a crowd of about 30 people, and afterwards we even got to go up and meet her. I never really was an autograph person but I do still have that one.

My least favorite memories…Eesh. One is definitely from when I was about 8 years old. My neighbor and I had been super close. We love to play war games, and video games, and strap bottle rockets onto hot wheels cars and watch them go. Sometimes we’d sit on skateboards and let his big golden retriever, Henry,  pull us down the street. I don’t really remember much about this day except that it was summer and it was hot so I wasn’t wearing a shirt, which was not that wild, particularly at 8 years old. Then this little jerk told me that I wasn’t allowed to do that any more because I was a girl. He was my first friend! I think he got over it eventually, but that was one of the first times I was confronted with the idea that my options would somehow be limited because of my perceived gender. I was sooo so mad at him. I think I maybe tried to punch him, even?

Another pretty embarrassing one–I was in 5th grade, maybe? Our school would do a musical every year, which we would collectively adapt and direct. This year we chose Mary Poppins. I was dead set on playing Burt the Chimney Sweep, for some reason. We had our audition or whatever it was, and another classmate got the role instead. I was beside myself, crying in my little cubby/cubicle, and being overall a pretty sore loser/drama queen. I guess the girl who got the part felt so bad about it/for me that she talked to our teacher and convinced them to give it to me, after all. I took it, and still feel pretty guilty about it.

6. What does the butch identity mean to you? And how did you come to align with it?

I think any gender identity is about living authentically, without affectation. To be butch is not inherently to reject softness or femininity, but to resist the pressure to conform to a prescribed role. To wear your hair how you like it, to prioritize utility, perhaps. To be more interested in what you can do in your clothes than what they communicate.

I remember when I was in my late teens, I was having a conversation with my late Grandmother (we were very close), and she told me;

“I never thought of you as a little boy or a little girl or anything. I thought of you as a person who needed and should have practical skills.”

I think about that, and her, a lot. In some ways, my gender identity has less to do with me naming or aligning myself as “butch” (though I do so proudly and with great reverence), and more to do with me doing what feels comfortable and practical and true to myself. The title came after the fact, and largely from elder queers, mentors, and dates. I was just being myself, and honestly, my style hasn’t changed much since I was 8 years old. I don’t like fuss, I need pockets, I like a crisp shirt and cufflinks. No one ever taught me how to do makeup and that is fine with me–the quicker I could get outside, the better. You ever try to climb a tree in a skirt? It’s annoying!

I realize that my answers may seem like I’m disparaging a more feminine style, or see it as impractical, and I want to be clear that I do not feel that way! I just know what works for me, and believe that everyone should have the space to figure that out for themselves, too.

I am E.N. West, but my friends call me E and y’all can too. My pronouns are they/them and/or my name, E. I really believe that “we are uninhibited when we know our power” and I’m committed to working in community to ensure as many people as possible recognize the power they have and then direct that power toward collective liberation. I’m often accused of doing the most, which is true, I definitely do (working on doing less!), but at the heart of all the things I do, is community organizing.

I am originally from the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area, specifically Alexandria, Virginia (and have deep love for my hometown!) but I started calling the other Washington home four years ago when I moved to Seattle. I moved to Seattle because I really deeply believe that everyone should move away from their hometown (if they’re able), and I originally thought it would be a cute pit stop before I went to graduate school elsewhere, but…despite getting into graduate school in 2018, I ultimately decided to stay in Seattle and give up going to grad school, because the work I was looking to learn how to do in grad school was manifesting before my eyes right where I was.

Outside of my community work (I am a co-director at a reproductive justice organization, and an organizer working with faith communities on equitable land stewardship), I enjoy getting in my body through boxing, biking, running (currently training for a 10k race), and practicing calisthenics. Much like everyone else in the Pacific Northwest, I also really love the outdoors (despite being allergic to everything outside, in my case), and enjoy hiking, shooting, lounging at the (preferably, nude) beach, and more recently, backpacking as well.

1. What do you think the world will be like in twenty years?

– I think the world will certainly still be a floating rock hurtling through space. That thought is grounding to me.

– I think human beings within the world will have become increasingly more tribal, with varied results. For some, this will be a return to truly communal living, while for others, it will be a retreat into fear and scarcity (or perceived scarcity) induced hyper-individualism.

– Read the Parable series by Octavia Butler. I think the world, and I can only speak for the Western world I know, will resemble the events foretold in those texts. I’d highly encourage everyone who’d like some direction for life moving forward to study those texts religiously.

2. You’re given $20,000, how would you spend it?

So, because I am a practical visionary for my own life (read: planner) I would put $5k into savings, and $5k into investments. A good amount would also go into the fund I am slowly growing toward buying land in the woods and building a tiny house on it, which is one of my dreams. The rest would go back into the community. I currently try to give 10% of my income each month between charities and GoFundMe’s or random asks for help that come from community, so in keeping with that percentage, I would donate $2k back to community.

Now for the less virtuous spending: Because I am a Taurus and can be extremely indulgent when I have the resources, a good chunk of it would go into buying “toys” (like an electric bike or a foldable kayak) and another chunk would go into sustaining bougie habits, like getting hair cuts more often than once a month, and expensive facials.

3. What’s something you know now that you wish you’d known when you were 12?

As my college freshman year roommate put it, “gay is OK.” (Yes, that is literally how she said it to me. That statement changed my life).

4. Scroll back through your phone and describe the 5th last image to us.

E.N. West is a Black person with brown skin that is glowing in the sun and curly, coily hair. They are standing in front of an outdoor chalkboard and speaking to an audience. They are wearing a black and light blue shirt that reads, “Think Outside My Box” and holding a white and blue megaphone that they are speaking into. They wear a gold cross necklace around their neck.

5. Where do you hope to be ten years from now?

In 10 years I will be 36. I anxiously await my 30’s because I think they will be excellent. With this optimistic perspective in mind, I hope to be on the aforementioned land in the woods in my completed tiny house by then. I love a big wraparound porch, so I hope to be seated on my porch, ideally in a rocking chair, because I also love rocking chairs (I have spent a lot of time in the American south, it has a big influence on my taste!) I hope to either be surrounded by lots of people I love, having a grand ol’ time, drinking our favorite bevvies with fireflies or some other cute bug flitting about, or if it is a more lowkey evening, kicking it with someone I love, who I envision right now as my current romantic partner. I imagine the night being alive with the hum of nature around us, but super quiet compared to the city. I imagine feeling very content in the moment and being very happy overall.

6. Who are the two people most important to you?

This is a really hard question. Because I am at my childhood home right now visiting my parents for the week, I will choose the safe, cop-out answer and say, my parents.

We have gone through many hard times in our relationship with each other, as a family unit, and between myself and each respective parent (and there are certainly more hard times and conversations to come), but I literally would not be here without them (though, if given the chance to go back to the moment of my conception, I would urge the egg to choose a different sperm and save my spirit the toil of earthly living).

Anyway, I digress. I do believe my parents have done their best by me and I am a good fruit of their tireless labor. They also gave me more solid genes than not solid genes (great eyebrows? Thanks parents! History of heart disease? Boooo) so overall I think I’ve got a good shot to hit 69 years old, which is my ideal age to live to at this point. I could go on, but for tonight, they will get the “Most Important People” award.

7. What is one thing that you’re really proud of?

I am proud to have successfully completed the campaign for gender-inclusive housing at my undergrad. I did not do that alone, so I want to shout out the decade of queer and trans-led student organizing that preceded the efforts of me and my comrades, but to this day, I still glow with pride at being a part of that effort. Even though I have been involved with other campaigns and efforts since, I would characterize that one as my first win, and maybe that is why it is the sweetest.

8. What’s the queer / dyke scene like where you live and what’s one thing you’d change about it if you could?

I will be honest, with the pandemic raging on, it is hard for me to say I have a finger completely on the pulse of the queer/dyke scene in Seattle. It feels weird to speak to it without things at a place I would consider normal (though, I probably should release the idea of any kind of normal at this point).

That said, a general thing I would change about the scene which applies to the larger culture of Seattle, is this: I would completely erase white entitlement to Black, Indigenous, and people of color spaces. That is an issue I have witnessed and grapple with in Seattle, that I have never seen or experienced in any other place I’ve lived in or frequented. Folks of color in Seattle really have to spend a lot of energy ensuring that white people do not attempt to be in our spaces, when we should just be able to create our spaces and rest well, knowing that white folks will mind their business and not try to be in our space. I think it’s the very white demographics of Seattle that make this a thing, but it needs to end because it really is big colonizer energy. Not everything is for everybody – and that is okay!

9. What does the butch identity mean to you? And how did you come to align with it?

I wrote about what butch identity means to me in my feature for the print edition of Butch Is Not A Dirty Word (also available digitally! Buy it now!) But recently I have been thinking about the aesthetics of butchness and how I have always gravitated toward them. When I think about the aesthetics of butchness, here are a few examples: White tank tops and t-shirts with black pants. Black leather jackets. A solidly constructed boot. A well-worn and loved denim jacket, often with patches. Chinos. Letterman jackets. Fisherman beanies. A dusty shadow across the upper lip. Visible tattoos. Motorbikes or trucks. Ring of keys, obviously.

This is a non-exhaustive list, but it describes many baseline aesthetics of butch identity that I love. I came to align with them over time – the black leather jacket I got for Christmas at age 13 remains one of my prized possessions 13 years later, while I have only begun to 100% lean into my natural hairiness and cultivate a butch-stache of my own in the last year (with a little help – shout out Minoxidil).

All this to say, the more I take up space to fully be me – and give absolutely zero fucks in the process – the more I align with being butch. I would have it no other way.

@enxwest